Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
