can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
