I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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