a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
