Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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