He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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