Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
