Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
