4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
