I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
