Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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