I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she looked like the before picture.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
