I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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