I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
