You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
