I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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