It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
