she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
