I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
