the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
