i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
