She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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