Porn is love you can see.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
