Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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