you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
