Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
