like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
