Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
