Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
