I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
