I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize