Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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