remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize