drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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