woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
