I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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