Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
