i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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