I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
