dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
