I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
