I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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