I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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