Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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