Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
