Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
