We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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