woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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