we should wear snuggies to the strip club
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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