Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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