how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize