Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
