I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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