I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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