Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
