Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
