I want to make a zoo with you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
