so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
