from now on my penis is your penis
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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