based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
