He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
