i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
why is half of my head shaved?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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