it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize