All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Couch. On fire.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize