That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
