What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
