I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
